Help a bald brother out!

It takes a seriously funny comedian to make an amusing and thought-provoking cancer ad, but that's just what Larry David has pulled off in this video. I liked it so much that I've transcribed it for any Italians who may have trouble grasping all of the words:

Hello, I’m Larry David, and I know what you’re thinking: ‘Hey, it’s Larry David, I bet he’s going to say something funny.’ Or ‘There’s Larry David, funny, funny guy.’ Or ‘Larry David is, in addition to being one of the pre-eminent social satirists of this, or any other, era, also uncannily brilliant and should strongly consider a run for public office’.

Thank you, that’s very sweet of you. But today I’m not here to say anything funny. Today I’d like to talk to you about something serious. I’d like to talk to you about …cancer.

Not so funny now, am I?

Cancer comes in many forms, and has many victims. I should know, for I am one. Now, I should clarify that I do not have cancer, but that does not mean that I have not suffered because of it.

Let me explain.

As you may have noticed, I am a bald man. A proud, naturally bald man. And as a man so afflicted, I should be entitled to sympathy, and the trappings that come along with that sympathy. A caring glance here and there, perhaps a free meal, and, once in a blue moon, some sympathy sex.

But do I get any of these? I do not. Because cancer patients, and their chemo-induced baldness, have stolen the sympathy that is rightfully mine. You see, cancer-bald is the badge of courage and honour, while bald-bald has simply become genetically defective. The chemo-bald Johnny-come-latelys have created a gutter class of the naturally bald, horned in on our gravy train and cast us out like common circus freaks. This must be stopped, must I say!

So what’s a bald man to do? Well, we are faced with two choices. Either we even the playing field by getting cancer ourselves, or we organise a worldwide effort to wipe cancer from the face of the planet, restoring the natural order and returning pathetic-ness, and sympathy sex, to their rightful owner – the naturally bald man.

I must be honest. Cancer doesn’t really look like that much fun. I vote we cure it. Help a bald brother out, would you? And maybe next year we’ll go after alopecia.