English humour

Peter Kay is one of the UK’s most popular comedians, with a uniquely British sense of humour that is often completely lost on foreigners. Here is a montage of adverts that Peter did for John Smith bitter, which we Brits found highly amusing! Oh, and the accent is broad Lancashire, from the North of England! The transcription is below...

Peter Kay è uno dei comici più benvoluto in Inghilterra, con un senso del umorismo unicamente britannico, il quale è spesso mistificante per gli stranieri. Ecco alcuni annunci per la birra di John Smith, che noi britannici hanno trovato tanto divertenti! Oh, e Peter ha un forte accento di Lancashire, nel nord d'Inghilterra! La trascrizione è in fondo...



…Three divers to go then, and this is Darren Croll of Australlia. Oh, that’s a good dive! 642.2. And now Petit of Canada…oh, even better! This final really hotting up. And now the favourite, John Smith of Great Britain, what can he do? A running bomb…Oh, terrific! The crowd love it! And so do the judges! Top bombing!

Aye, you know what I mean…hold on here…aye up…
…hello, Sarah?
It’s the babysitter….what’s up?
OK, put her on….hello Britney…it’s daddy. You what? She’s having nightmares – about the wardrobe monsters. There’s no such thing as wardrobe monsters…it’s the burglars that break in through the window, that’s what you want to be worried about. Sweet dreams...
She’s gone…
Two more lamb bhunas here….what?

Come on mum, time to go.
Go, go where?
The old people’s home. They’ll look after you now. It’s for the best.
Are you mad? I’m 55…
I know, but I’ve had a word with them. They’ll take you. Come on!
Gerroff! Why should I go and live in an old people’s home?
Because I want to put a snooker table in your bedroom, and the kids are frightened of your moustache. Now come on, avanti!

‘Ave it! Oh yes…

Kids just grow up so quick these days, don’t they?
Aye, you’re not wrong there. I didn’t tell you did I? Our Britney, she’s only four, mind. She comes up to me t’other day, she says ‘Where do babies come from?’
What did you tell her?
I said well when a daddy loves a mummy very much, he inserts his erect penis inside a woman’s vagina, he ejaculates sperm which travels through the womb, yeah, fertilises the egg and develops into a baby over nine months….what now, what?